Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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