But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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