somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
