I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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