Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
