I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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