Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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