i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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