Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
