I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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