Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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