Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
