Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wear drunk well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
