It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
