I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
