Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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