I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
