I bet he comes in French.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
