I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
