My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
