I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
