As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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