She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
