Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
