Im at strip club and am horny
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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