is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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