We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So vagazzling was a success
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
