Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When are your genitals available?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
