tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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