Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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