I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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