i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
too bad you live with your parents still
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
