Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
