last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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