I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
