Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have tasted many bathrooms
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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