i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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