So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
