it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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