If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize