So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
