I puked a lego.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
