I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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