My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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