I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
