I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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