I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
