She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
