and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
