Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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