How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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