That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
