and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
