just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
