Me too!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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