hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Even my vagina gasped.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
