i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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