So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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