I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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