I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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