true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
