Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
