Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
