the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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