I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm passing your future prison.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
