when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
