Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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