you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
