My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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