Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
