Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They took my balls.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
