I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
