Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
